First of all, I want to thank everyone who either left a comment here or checked in on me personally after yesterday's entry. It really means a lot to me that I have so many people that care about me and think that I rock. You are all fantastic friends. I also want to say please don't worry about me TOO much. I am feeling a lot better today, and in fact I felt a lot better immediately after writing that yesterday. Writing it down is sort of like an exorcism for me. If I write it down it stops going on the endless loop in my head and I can usually forget about it and move on. Yes, I do really feel that way some of the time and get down on myself, but there are plenty of other times where I feel great about myself too. There are plenty of days where I look in the mirror and think, "Damn, I am so smoking hot it should be fucking illegal." There are times that I read my own writing and get filled up with pride and admiration for my talent and ability. There are times when I look at my daughter and feel like at least I'm doing right by her, because she is happy and healthy and at 15 years old still talks to me and wants to spend time with me, and even hugs and kisses me every time she goes to bed or leaves for school. That's not to say that I don't appreciate your concern, because I do. But I wanted to let you know that it's not like that all the time and that most of the time I do look at my life and think about how lucky I am and how great it all is. But thank you for caring, thank you for reading, and thanks for being there for me.
In other news, today was the first day of school. My baby is now a SOPHOMORE. Can you fucking believe that shit? Because I hardly can. My sophomore year is the year I was pregnant with her. It's so strange to think about that. Fortunately I have no worries about the same thing happening with her. Unlike my mother's "NO SEX!" lectures, I actually talk openly with her about sex and she knows the importance of safe sex and I really doubt she would get herself into the same situation that I did. She tells me that she isn't ready to have sex yet, and that if she did she wouldn't be stupid enough to not use a condom. I also kind of get the idea that she might be more interested in sex with a girl than with a boy, so there's even less chance of a pregnancy happening that way. But she is still content to just be a kid and she doesn't seem in any hurry to start that chapter of her life, so I'm not worried.
I had my first night of class last night too, and I think it's going to be a fucking breeze. For one thing, it sounds like I don't even HAVE to buy the book if I don't want to spend the $130 on it. Which is great news for me because I was really dreading spending that money. But the teacher said he will never give assignments out of the book, not even reading assignments, and he never gives homework. He also doesn't count attendance as part of your grade, it's all just based on the tests and labs. His lectures are all done in PowerPoint, and he makes the slides available online just in case you miss anything when you're taking notes. We're even allowed to bring one page of notes to use at each test. This is totally going to be an easy A, and I won't even have to put forth much effort. I love it. I'm definitely keeping my 4.0 GPA.
Oh, and I've been craving tuna casserole lately so that's what I'm making for dinner tonight. I can't believe it's Thursday already. But this means that in exactly three weeks, all of my financial worries will be over and I can go back to life as usual. Yay!
