Well, I'm back at work today and feeling mostly back to normal. I never made it to the doctor yesterday because they refused to make an appointment for me until the 3rd week in July. I didn't feel the pain in my ear warranted a trip to the emergency room, so I'm just letting my body fight it off on its own, without any antibiotics. It still hurts a little, but I'll survive. I'm also going to change my PCP again even though I just changed it and have never set foot in their office. I thought that when I moved it would be a good idea to switch to a doctor that was closer to the new house. So I picked one randomly out of the provider directory, and when I called yesterday they treated me like shit and refused to see me because I'm a new patient. But I'm sure they don't have any problem with taking the capitated rate from my fucking insurance company to have me on their panel. Well, fuck that. I'll switch to every doctor in the area until I find one that isn't an asshole. If my insurance company doesn't like how many times they have to reprint my ID cards, then maybe I'll call them and give them a piece of my mind about their fucking provider network. I work in this goddamn industry, and you're not going to fuck with me. As far as my emotional turmoil goes, I wrote it out yesterday and I think I've exorcised it a bit. I had to break out the old paper journal, but you're not going to get any apologies from me for keeping it off this page. While some things might not be better left unsaid, they are better left out of the public eye. I felt better immediately after writing it down, and then I also talked to a couple of people, Stacey being one of them.
The other one was actually stalker cop, believe it or not, and he offered deepest and what seem to be sincere apologies for fucking everything up and getting things off to a very bad start. He also wanted to know if I would give him a chance to make it up to me. I suppose I will, but I have some time before it becomes imminent. He is still recovering from surgery and doing the whole physical therapy thing for a while and cannot drive. I do still have reservations about him, and I'm afraid that I'm more interested in the amount of attention he gives me and how much he seems to like me. Do I actually like him that much? I don't know. I'm holding back and keeping my guard up for now, but at least he understands that that's the way it's going to be. He said he was willing to earn my trust, and that all he wants to do is hug me and tell me how sorry he is for the stupid shit he said and did.
Whatever way you want to look at it, I've always been a believer in second chances. Part of me feels like it's still not going to work out and that I shouldn't lead him on. The other part of me says to give it a chance because if I keep shutting everyone out, I really will always be alone. That's not a good enough reason to be with someone, but maybe he really will get his shit together and end up sweeping me off my feet. Who knows. Stranger things have happened.
In other news, dinner tonight is beef stroganoff. I mentioned this to stalker cop last night and he started drooling on the phone. Too bad for him that he can't drive I guess. I'm sure it won't be the last time I make it. We'll just have to see whether or not he's still around for the next time, right?
